Today, Sam went to see the Paediatrician.
After listening to me, trying to engage with Sam, seeing him attack Syd and witnessing me cry all over her office, the poor woman looked like she had aged 15 years in the 15 minutes we’d been there.
The end result was that based on Sam’s Speech Therapist and Clinical Psychologist assessments, plus her own assessments, she is confident that Sam does have “some form of Autism.” She is going to refer him to a Psychiatrist now, to get a formal diagnosis.
This could take years. In the meantime, we are still stuck in “Limbo Land”. We still don’t know what (if any) form of Autism Sam has. “Limbo Land” is a terrible place. It is full of If’s, But’s and Maybe’s…
“If I’d skipped those 13m jabs, this might not have happened….. But it’s been proven the jabs are not responsible for Autism….. Maybe the results are wrong…..”
“If I hadn’t got pregnant again so soon, I wouldn’t be struggling so much to cope with Sam’s behaviour….. But Syd is helping Sam’s development….. Maybe they’ll start to get along soon…..”
“If we go to a playgroup, they can interact with other kids….. But Sam will have a meltdown and we’ll have to leave….. Maybe we’ll just stay at home, then…..”
“If I was a better mum, they wouldn’t be so unhappy all the time….. But I try my best….. Maybe my best just isn’t good enough…..”
Sam starts nursery on Monday. He will be doing 9.30am-11.45am Monday to Friday, 51 weeks a year. I hope the routine will do him the world of good. I hope those couple of Syd/Mummy free hours a day will enable him to open up in ways he seems unable to when we are around. I hope that he will enjoy it. I hope that Syd and I find fun things to do during those couple of hours each day.
Sam is an amazing little boy. He has his good days, and his bad days – as do all two year old’s. He is loved by many, and although I’m not perfect, I am unrelenting in my quest for help. Sam WILL get all of the help, support and encouragement he needs – I will make sure of that!
I have decided that once things have settled down a bit at home, I am
going to try to do something to help other families who are stuck in
“Limbo Land.” Other parents who are in the middle of having their
children assessed/diagnosed with additional needs. I need support, but
there is very little of it available when you are in “Limbo Land.” One
coffee morning a Month is all I can access in my local area. On a
Saturday morning. I want to be able to help others who are feeling and
experiencing everything we have been through. I want to give something
If you are reading this and you’re currently in “Limbo
Land” too, feel free to contact me for a chat, moan, vent or advice. Use
my “contact” page, or find me on Twitter