Today it’s been 16 years without you, so I decided to throw down the words that have been spinning in my head all night. This one’s for you, Dad.

16 Years Without You

16 minutes
16 hours
16 days
16 weeks
16 months
16 years

Time goes by so fast, yet I can still smell the room where you slipped away.

I still look up, expecting you to say, “Tea for tee” at half time.

I wonder how much my kids would have you wrapped round their little fingers.

I don’t need to wonder how much you’d have loved the grandchildren (and great grandchildren) who you never got to meet.

The new partners, great nephews, new friends and more.

I imagine you taking each of them fishing for the first time.

Instilling patience and peace, in your quiet way.

Teaching each in turn to find peace by the water.

When times are tough, you can find me by the water.

No fishing rod for me, but stillness, peace, clarity and acceptance can be found there.

You taught me that. You also taught me to own my mistakes. Share my problems. Help others whenever possible.

Family first. You had a bit of a fascination with the letter F now I think about it…

Family, Football and Fishing. Your main loves. Closely followed by friends and a flutter.

Today will be tough. It always is.

I take some comfort in how many of your loved ones are with you now, though.

You won’t be lonely, wherever you are.

Rest easy, Dad.

Love always xx

Bereavement Isn’t Linear

I’m not an expert, but I’ve been through more than my fair share of bereavement. One thing I have learnt over the years is that bereavement isn’t linear. Whether it’s been 16 days or 16 years without you, some days are harder than others. Sometimes things will trigger you, unexpectedly. I still can’t stand Valentine’s Day because my Dad passed away on 14th February.

If you’re struggling with bereavement, the NHS website is fairly helpful.