I’m 35 next month, and still don’t feel like a real grown up. I’m definitely the biggest kid I know. Today’s Blogtober prompt is Wishlist For The Future, so I figured I’d best sit down and try to be serious for a minute or three.
My Wishlist For The Future
Life as a Special Needs parent is hard. One of the hardest things for me is thinking about the future. I can deal with the here and now, and focus on the near future without much trouble. Ask me to think more than a couple of years ahead though, and my heart begins to race, I get goosebumps and I can feel my anxiety levels spike.
Sam is 7 now, and has profound learning difficulties. He’s still pre verbal and still in pull ups. The reality of my future is that I’m likely to be a full time carer for as long as I am physically (and / or mentally) able. I’m never going to retire abroad, I’ll probably never watch my son get married and chances are, I’ll have to face putting him into care before I am 50.
My Wishlist for there future doesn’t contain much. Just that both of my children are happy, and that Sam is well cared for and safe. That’s it. Everything else is a bonus. My former goals of owning fancy cars, Emigrating to Australia and becoming a social worker are long gone. My children’s needs will always come before my own.
Size isn’t everything
My wishlist for the future is small, but I cant help thinking my former dreams are easier to achieve somehow. They are all down to my own hard work. My current ones all rely on other people, policies and money.
I am a special needs sibling, and I know how hard it can be, and how much pressure I feel to be there for my siblings. One thing I am determined to do is to make sure Syd never feels that pressure. I also want to give her as much chance as possible to be Syd… Not just Sam’s sister. (I grew up feeling like I was inferior in every way to mu special needs siblings, and I don’t want that for Syd). Both of my children mean the world to me, but Sam’s needs are totally different to those of his sister.
That’s about it for today. What’s on your wishlist for the future? I’d love to know!
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