I remember the excitement of a new relationship all too well. The butterflies when you get a message from your new beau. Or when you’re wondering if they are about to kiss you. Once you’ve been in a serious relationship for a while though, things inevitably change. With that in mind, today I am asking… Do you still date when married? I shared recently that my own marriage has ended, so this post may be somewhat reflective.
Do You Still Date When You’re Married?
Back in 2009 when I got married, my husband and I both worked from home together. We regularly went out for impromptu meals together of an evening, and enjoyed trips out too. Fast forward to our son’s arrival, and quality time together all but disappeared. We had no relatives locally who could babysit, so all of our quality time involved either taking the kids with us, or staying home.
By the time we’d been married for 3 years, we had a two year old and an almost 1 year old. So quality time together was almost none existent. It was definitely a tough time. Looking back, I think we’d have been closer if we had been able to spend some 1-1 time together. Our daughter had a lot of allergies as a baby, and rarely slept anywhere but between my husband and I. This went on until she was almost three.
I’m fairly sure any married couple would be feeling the strain in that situation. We were still a team though, and despite a lack of 1-1 time together, our family meant everything to us both.
Over the past couple of months, lots of people have tried to offer advice and ideas to patch up our marriage. As much as they are trying to be helpful, the majority of the suggestions are way off the mark. One person I have known online for years actually suggested we have an open relationship. Honestly, I almost choked when they suggested that. They said that married dating was a great way to feel that physical connection to someone when your spouse isn’t available – for whatever reason.
I’m not one to judge, and I’m sure that for some people an open relationship might help. I’m not that person though, and I doubt my ex husband is either. The thought of playing away never entered my head, and I’m confident that it never entered his either. We drifted apart. Adultery played no part in our separation.
Making Time For Each Other
When it comes to parents making time for each other, I think you have to get creative at times. Sitting down watching the telly together is all well and good, but communication is super important. Looking back now, some of the most fun evenings we had as a couple involved us turning the TV off and playing a game of scrabble, or eating together as a couple. You don’t necessarily need time away from the house together… You can always make time for each other at home.
Both of us made time for ourselves within our marriage, but regretfully, we didn’t really make time for each other. I will always wonder if things would have been different, had we made time for each other. So in answer to my question, do you still date when married? I’d have to say that for the most part… I didn’t.
If you are looking for potential ideas for venues if you date when married, here’s some ideas for different times of the day…
If it’ll be day times when you’ll be reconnecting, why not try these ideas… Firstly, you could consider going for a walk and a picnic if it’s warm. You can hold hands and talk as you take in some beautiful views. There’s nothing else like nature to help you connect, in my opinion. Additionally, you could take in a museum or art gallery and then have lunch. The museum will give you plenty of non parenting things to talk about as you eat. Finally, you could always go to the gym together, or even a swim. If your gym has a sauna or jacuzzi, the post workout quality time will be totally worth the pain of working out.
Evenings are much easier to plan quality time for. Of course, you can do most of the above too… Just add some fake candles to set the mood. Plus a couple of blankets to snuggle under, as it gets chilly – even on Summer evenings. You may not be able to visit museums in the evening, but there’s usually plenty of Art galleries open in the evenings.
f you have found this date when married blog post useful, why not check out my lifestyle category.