My mum would have been 65 today. It’s hard that she’s not here. Equally I know I am lucky to have shared 32 birthdays with her, and to have as many memories as I do… Celebrating without you is still hard though.

Celebrating without you

Celebrating without you

When it’s my Dad’s birthday, I take flowers to the crematorium for him. We scattered my Mum’s ashes over 220 miles away though. Instead of taking flowers there, I was planning on buying some for myself instead. My Mum used to moan about me wasting money taking flowers to the Crem for my Dad.

Yesterday, hubby took Syd to the allotment and she brought me back half a dozen daffodils. I am taking that as a sign I don’t need to go out especially for flowers today… My mum loved flowers picked by the kids / grandkids.

Sam’s got chicken pox, so I’m expecting it to be another day at home for us. I might bake some Jam Tarts with Syd later – something I used to love doing with my Mum on Sundays when I was a child.

March is tough

March is set to be a tough month. It’s my Mum’s birthday today, my Mum and Dad’s wedding anniversary, Mother’s Day and the anniversary of my Mum’s passing. I seem to manage the expected tough days better than the unexpected triggers though. The Moonpig reminder it was My Mum’s birthday upset me more than perhaps it should have done. I have turned off the alerts, but I know from experience that I need to be kind to myself this month. After 10 birthdays without my Dad, 10 Father’s days and 10 anniversaries… I know it’ll be tough, but that keeping busy will make it easier to manage. Remembering the good times will help, too.

Celebrating without you MUM

So… Happy Birthday Mum. I hope you’re celebrating, wherever you are xxxx

I read this post over on crackednailsandsplitends today, and was reminded of this post. I just wanted to add the link to her post, as I still feel exactly the same as this… Every single Father’s and Mother’s Day, Birthday and Anniversary. Life may well go on, but so does the never ending feeling of loss. (In my experience anyway).

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